21 Critical Life Lessons You Didn’t Learn in School

If someone doesn’t take us aside and teach us a few things (assuming we’d listen) before we graduate high school, we are doomed to learn life’s hardest lessons in the real world beyond the classroom.

With that in mind, here are 21 non-academic lessons every person should know before he or she graduates high school; if you graduated long ago (as I did), this list represents all the things you wish you had been taught, yet had to learn (or are still learning) on your own.

Love and Relationships

1. Choosing a Mate: Your ability to select a suitable spouse will greatly influence your financial and emotional wellbeing, yet parents and teachers seldom mention it. A few common sense guidelines: pick someone who’s a joy to be around and who makes you happy; know the person well; ensure compatibility beyond the physical because beauty and youth are fleeting, while the mind and heart endure.

2. Evaluating Relationships: Given the tremendous importance of relationships, it’s surprising we receive so little instruction on how to evaluate, prune, and nurture them. Start by asking yourself whether each of your relationships drags you down or lifts you up. Surrounding yourself with positive relationships is half the battle.

3. Conversation: Successful relationships require solid communication: use body language, appropriate tone of voice, and eye contact; be friendly and considerate of alternative viewpoints; persuade gently; listen, listen, listen.

4. Handling Difficult People: An essential life skill, handling difficult people can be taught, but seldom is. I’ve written about this before, and there are several good books on the subject, including Robert Bramson’s Coping with Difficult People.

5. Networking: Ask for business cards, maintain a Rolodex (electronic or otherwise), and stay in touch with people who respect you. Association breeds opportunity, personally and professionally.

6. Compassion: We are born egocentric, but by the time we graduate high school, we should be capable of understanding, appreciating, and sympathizing with others. Compassion helps us understand our place in the world and ensures we are emotionally well rounded.

7. Teamwork: Work environments have gravitated toward small teams. Sports, team projects, and group goals are great ways to learn teamwork, but are seldom adequate. Evaluate interpersonal skills regularly; correct as needed.

8. Giving: As a child, I always thought the expression “it’s better to give than to receive” was trite and silly. As an adult, I recognize the expression’s value. Having the capacity to give means you possess; having the will to give means you want to make a difference; having the desire to give means you care.

Money Management

9. The Material Myth: Pursuing happiness by acquiring material things (granite countertops, plasma televisions, designer clothing) is like jogging to the grocery store on your treadmill: it’s not going to happen.

10. Saving: Keep 3 to 6 months salary in an emergency fund, in case you lose your job; use online calculators to determine the proper amount to save for retirement; keep money on hand for unexpected expenses, such as car and home repair.

11. Debt: Financial gurus suggest that total debt, excluding first mortgage, should not exceed 20% of take-home pay. This includes car payments, home equity loans, second mortgages, credit card debt, and so forth. Upper income consumers may be able to handle higher debt loads due to greater expendable income, while lower income consumers may be wise to carry less. And my number one rule of debt: credit cards should never be used as supplemental income.

12. Frugality: Live below your means. Look for bargains. Shop at discount stores. Clearly delineate needs (transportation) from wants (a big SUV). Feel free to indulge occasionally, but mind the consequences.

13. Debtor Responsibility: I believe every person who borrows money has a social, moral, and ethical responsibility to make payments on time and in the correct amount for the duration of the contract. Generally speaking, the credit bureaus agree.

Career

14. Passion: School sharpens skills, but seldom taps into your most powerful reserve of all: Passion. If you want to be happy at the top of Maslow’s pyramid, find a job you love.

15. Practicality: While you’re chasing self-actualization, paying bills remains important. Independent research using the Occupational Outlook Handbook or other resources can help you figure out how to make a living in whatever industry inspires you.

16. Politics of Advancement: Advancement in the working world often depends as much upon interpersonal skills as it does upon job skills. Persuasion, argument, andexpectation setting are crucial.

17. Entrepreneurial: Unless you’re related to business owners or have learned about business ownership on your own, there’s a good chance that owning a business seems puzzling, daunting, and overwhelming. The fact that young people in a capitalistic society aren’t given the basic tools of ownership is unfortunate. Find a mentor. Attend a workshop. Read.

Personal Success

18. Positive Thinking: Attitude determines altitude. If you believe you can do it, most of the time, you really can.

19. Personal Accountability: Most success boils down to perseverance, determination, tenacity, and other products of personal accountability.

20. Setting and Achieving Goals: Goal setting, research, planing, commitment, and hard work are all required to reach any big, life-altering objective. In other words, all the schooling in the world won’t help you reach your dreams if you don’t take time to determine what you want and how to obtain it.

21. Health: Throughout my life, I’ve noticed that no single thing does as much to improve my outlook as getting healthy. Eat nutritious meals in proper portions. Drink plenty of water. Try to get 30 minutes of aerobic exercise daily (or at least every other day). Get plenty of sleep. High school health classes teach these concepts, but seldom make the connection between health and the rest of life; the connection is real. And it’s huge.

So there you have it: 21 lessons you can’t (or generally don’t) learn in school.

These lessons are not intended to insult teachers or schools, or to suggest curriculum. They are merely thought starters; something to think about regarding lessons learned through painful experience.

Life is an exploration, and maybe certain lessons must be experienced to be understood. Yet I wonder how much pain we could prevent if we taught life’s important lessons to our young people instead of relying on the real world to teach them for us.

101 Lessons Learned After 29 Years Of Living Life

From: http://www.ridiculouslyextraordinary.com/101-life-lessons/

When I was young I wanted to live to 100. To my mind it might as well have been infinity. (I thought China was a different planet when I was 4 so maybe 100 wasinfinity.)

Then I got older and I didn’t want to live to anything.

Now I want to live to 100 again. As you know, I like the number 100. Actually, I’d like to live to infinity. (Wait, is China a different planet? What’s happening here? … help?)

Anyway, 29 is still very young, and I don’t claim to know it all. What I do know is what I know, you know? ;)

Much like Finding Your Right People I’ve had this post ready for a long time. I was a little bit afraid to post it, but it may be The Ultimate Filter (like The Ultimate Warriorwith less color and no steroids). Maybe tomorrow I start with a blank slate.

Probably not.

I expected a lot of RSS unsubscribes after posting Finding Your Right People. Instead, my subscriber count increased by 83. For a regular traffic day that is incredible (for this site). Thank you for hangin’ out in my backyard.

This list was originally 99. Then I edited some out. Then I added some. Then I edited some out. Truth be told I think I could easily hit 1,000. But right now it’s 101. A nice, easy number we’ll also call Infinity + 1.

Infinity + 1 Lessons Karol Has Learned In 29 Years:

1. Friends really do come and go. Some come back. Some don’t. That’s OK.
2. Nobody cares about you as much as they care about themselves.
3. Animals kill to survive. Humans kill for “fun” (also know as a psychopath) or because they’re ignorant of torture (I know I used to be).
4. It’s OK to be different.
5. Most people won’t agree with you.
6. The people who really care will still care whether they agree with you or not.
7. You don’t need anybody’s support to make things happen.
8. Arguments are pointless. You can’t change anyone, don’t try.
9. People will rationalize and justify anything and everything to be “right.” Let them.
10. It’s easier to take a small action now instead of a big action “some day.”
11. Some day never comes.
12. If the music you listen to is on the radio or TV it’s pop music. Pop = popular. It doesn’t matter if there’s screaming or singing, loud guitars or soft piano, it’s pop music. I love pop music. I love unpopular music as well. ;)
13. You’re not as different as you think.
14. You can have anything you want.
15. You never have to settle. Not in a relationship, not in a job, not ever.
16. Somebody will always tell you your ideas suck. Take action anyway.
17. You might think you’re not good enough, but you’ll surprise yourself when you try.
18. Smoking is gross. Kissing a smoker is grosser.
19. You don’t have to be promiscuous because you’re a male and you don’t have to be celibate because you’re a female. Do what you want.
20. Don’t let the school system brainwash you into being average. They will try. Every step of the way.
21. Society wants you to be average as well, but you can be exceptional if you’d like. It’s your choice.
22. You will make mistakes. So what?
23. It’s OK to feel sad.
24. There is nothing wrong with you.
25. Successful people read books.
26. Passion can go a long way.
27. Don’t kill yourself. It’s never worth it.
28. Get tested.
29. If you think you can do something you’re right. If you think you can’t do something you’re also right.
30. The refrigerator light doesn’t always stay on.
31. Whether you hear it or not, a falling tree always makes a sound.
32. Money is not the root of all evil.
33. Love of money is not the root of all evil either.
34. You don’t need as much money as you think.
35. Nobody cares what kind of car you drive. If they do, they’re not worth your time. (Also, replace car with: the kinds of clothes you wear.)
36. Don’t be a pushover.
37. Memories are priceless. Write them down daily. Even if they seem trivial.
38. Nothing is trivial.
39. Ask for what you want. If you don’t ask, you won’t receive.
40. Don’t make the same mistake twice. If you do, don’t make it a third time.
41. There will always be somebody more “successful” than you.
42. Define your own rules for success. It’s a lot easier to rule your world than someone else’s world.
43. Humans are the only mammals that drink milk after they’ve grown. They’re also the only mammals that drink another mammal’s milk.
44. If you don’t feel good you probably don’t need a doctor. It’s your diet.
45. Even if an apple a day doesn’t keep the doctor away it sure tastes good.
46. Doctors aren’t all bad, but many will write you any prescription you ask for if you know how to ask.
47. The fact that gay marriage is not recognized is an abomination. If you support Freedom, you support gay marriage.
48. Religion causes a lot of problems.
49. Telling someone they’re wrong never leads to anything positive. Even if they’re wrong.
50. You’ll never be good enough if you don’t define great.
51. Being dependent on TV shows or sports teams is for children and teenagers.
52. You don’t need more than 3 pairs of shoes. 1 athletic, 1 dress, and 1 casual. Even that might be overkill.
53. If you wear the same pants every day nobody will notice.
54. Write down your dreams/nightmares for 30 days every morning immediately upon waking up. Some trippy stuff will start happening.
55. It is scientifically proven that if you eat meat you’re not an environmentalist. Don’t pretend to care about the environment. Care or don’t care.
56. Whether global warming is real or made up, is it really so difficult to throw a cigarette butt in a trash can instead of the street? (Replace the following with cigarette butt: gum, paper, bottles, anything.)
57. If you say you love animals and you kill them for dinner (physically or by shopping at the deli counter) there is a blatant disconnect.
58. Just because somebody tells you something is true, doesn’t mean it is. Do your own research.
59. Jealousy is mankind’s most useless emotion. Instead of feeling jealous, feel happy.
60. Happiness is mankind’s most useful emotion.
61. If you help people get what they want, you will “miraculously” get what you want.
62. It’s OK to be a follower. It’s better to be a thought leader.
63. It’s OK if you don’t like something. Just don’t pretend that you do.
64. There are exceptions to every rule. That doesn’t make the rule invalid.
65. You can’t break rules if you don’t learn them first.
66. If somebody tells you they want the best for you what they mean is they want you to do what they say and follow the rules.
67. You should play on a swing set at least once every year. It is guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.
68. Don’t blame anybody for your problems. They’re yours. The sooner you establish this the sooner you can work on them.
69. If you can’t sing, sing anyway. Especially at karaoke.
70. Just because a billion people do something doesn’t mean it’s right.
71. If you eat moldy bread you might feel like shit. Pun not intended. :)
72. Don’t wish, do. “I wish I could…” is a waste of thought energy.
73. Some people say you should do something every day that scares you. That’s a lofty goal, but even if you do something every week that scares you you’ll come out ahead.
74. Do what scares you.
75. If you think something is a bad idea, it might mean you should do it. Or it might mean it’s actually a bad idea.
76. Stop watching so much TV.
77. It really is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. Try it next time.
78. It’s OK if you don’t want to travel the world. There are lots of things to explore in your own backyard.
79. Don’t listen to anybody who tells you “you’re missing out” by not going somewhere or doing something. You’re only missing out if you believe you’re missing out.
80. Don’t think of cost. Think of value.
81. If something is expensive that doesn’t mean it’s worth it. If something is cheap that doesn’t mean it’s not. Usually, neither of those options are ideal.
82. Maybe you can’t have it all. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.
83. You can change the world because you define your world.
84. Jakfruit is hard to find, but so very worth it.
85. Give away something you love. You’ll learn a) detachment and b) it feels great.
86. Do activities by yourself. Solo Social Activities (movies, dinner, concerts, travel) can be a lot of fun.
87. Stop depending on other people.
88. It’s OK to complain sometimes. Don’t make it a habit.
89. Do what you love even if you don’t get paid for it.
90. Stop texting or checking your phone when you’re with other people. It’s rude and it’s sad.
91. Drink more water.
92. Show gratitude.
93. Make more mistakes.
94. There is no such thing as luck. No good luck. No bad luck. You either make good things happen or you make bad things happen. Nothing more, nothing less.
95. The secret to winning is playing. Often. (This advice does not hold for games of chance.)
96. Everybody lies. Trust people anyway.
97. If you dwell on past mistakes you will get depressed. Dwell or don’t dwell, but know the outcome.
98. There is always more you can do. But that doesn’t mean there is always more you should do.
99. Don’t compare yourself to other people. Compare yourself to yourself.
100. Low calorie does not mean healthy. Stop fooling yourself.
101. Seek danger.